Strange Creature

I feel this strange hunger

I feel this strange dying inside me

All these highs and lows

You’ve put on quite a show.

Strange creature leaving an odd shape.

You left this strange hole 

I can’t operate

No rest till I get through

The scent of you under my skin

Scratching clawing to get it out.

Peel off the layers of what you’ve done.

Sometimes

Sometimes I’m really fucking angry at you.

But I’ve never been able to own my anger, not my whole life. Although I know it’s real, there’s no proof of it on the outside. It has always just burnt up inside without ever being directed to where it’s needed.

I would wish it would burn you. I would wish you could know. When there was only silence between us…when the tears, hot and sticky, were running down my cheeks into my mouth, you were not there for it. You never saw it.

I HATED it. I hated that you were not there. I felt I couldn’t even own these parts of myself without you. I just gave up the reins of it all. I felt it swelled so big like I was going insane. I somehow murdered my own passions so that I feel nothing now. I’m scarred up inside from all the times I’ve swallowed down the rage. There’s nothing inside me for you now. Nothing more you can take. 

It’s fucked up. The clarity, the simple knowing it’s over came that day I looked inside myself to console the anger I had abandoned.